By Keith McDowell
Zap! You have just been zinged by the Zombie
Drug and sent to The
Zone. No, I’m not talking about the ephemeral “zone” attained by trained
athletes during intense competition, or the “zoned out” condition of Zonker Harris and friends
in the world of Doonesbury, or the zagging of steroid-enhanced superstars
attempting to avoid the next tackler or the next drug test. I’m talking about
the ultimate football experience: the north end zone at Bryan-Denny Stadium,
home of Alabama football.
The Zone, as it’s called, is a spectacular facility and
edifice to the Alabama football fans, replete with numerous amenities
guaranteed to convince you that an end zone box seat really is the best way to
watch a game. Personally, I prefer the President’s Box on the 50-yard line, but
not everyone gets a chance at that view of the Iron Bowl.
But for me, The Zone will not be remembered for its
contribution to the football gods, but for something entirely different: the
art and practice of decision making.
The story begins on a nondescript day when I left a
reception at The Zone and returned to meet with members of my staff in the
Office of Research to discuss the usual droll topics of the day. When quizzed
yet again by them as to why certain decisions by a fellow administrator had not
been made and why I was negligent in not pushing hard for their resolution as
was my usual style, I had a moment of inspiration and true innovation. I
blurted out: “They’ve gone to the Zombie Zone!”
Amidst tittering laughter and a general rolling of the eyes,
I was quizzed yet again as to what the heck was the Zombie Zone. Making it up
as I went along, I replied, “you know, the place where decisions are neither
alive nor dead.” Sensing that I wasn’t going to be responsive in a practical
manner, the staff groaned in disbelief and accepted the adjournment of the
meeting.
But adjournment didn’t mean the end of the story – not with
my ever intrepid and creative staff. For countless hours over lunch and in
furtive meetings, they toiled away to add flesh and bone to the Zombie Zone.
And the final product was the graphic displayed at the beginning of the
article.
Glowing red, orange, and yellow to reflect the flames of
McDowell’s Inferno, the pathways to the Policy Pit and the Zombie Zone of
Decision Hell were entered through the following trap doors:
- Assertive
inaction
- Creative
continuum
- Analysis
addiction
- Pro-active
pondering
- Stalemated
studying
- Essential
evaluation
- Revved
up revisions
- Decision
dungeon
- Redundant
revisions
- Non-essential
nuances
- Passive
persuasion
And, of course, all the pathways leading to the Zombie Zone
pointed inward with none leading out. Given more time and innovative energy,
I’m sure the Alabama Office of Research could have created the ultimate theory
of decision-making. And here you thought football – namely, The Zone – had
nothing to do with academics or innovation!
Over time, the Zombie Zone became a great source of
amusement as research office staffers routinely whispered and secretly referred
to “the zone,” often producing many strange and puzzled looks by those not in
the know who wondered why The Zone had anything to do with the topic at hand.
Humor aside, the act of decision-making is all important to
every facet of our lives, but especially to those facets that concern starting
up or investing in a new company, or trying a new experiment, or becoming an
entrepreneur, or making that intuitive leap to a new innovation. It’s so easy
to arrive at “decision junction” only to pick one of the trap doors leading to
the Zombie Zone or Policy Pit.
No matter how hard we try, there will never be the perfect
process, enough time, or the complete set of facts and data required to always
achieve the perfect decision. Failure to decide is also a choice and often the
wrong one. And like the infamous “writer’s block,” it can lead to stagnation. For
myself, I prefer making the decision to move from A to B and then adapting by
mid-course corrections as new information emerges. Making the wrong decision is
not something to be feared or a certain path to the other Hell. It’s a part of
doing business.
Decision, decisions! Who needs them? We all do. And as the
football addicts among us await the start of a new season in late August and
the inevitable crowning of the Crimson Tide as the national champions, take a
few minutes to step free of the Zombie Zone with its entrapments and re-enter
the real world where business decisions must be made in a timely manner free of
false encumbrances and useless agonizing. And when you’re done, take a deep
breath and shout with the rest of us: Roll Tide!