By Keith
McDowell
Slicing
and dicing with the newest bladed innovation guaranteed to achieve the perfect
cut are a staple of television commercials, usually embellished by a fast
talking huckster with a nasal New York accent. And if you purchase their $19.99
product in the next ten minutes, they’ll throw in the Ginzu knife for free. But
wait! They are going to double their offer and give you TWO choppers for the
extra low price of $19.99. What a deal!
Of
course, slicing and dicing isn’t limited to the preparation of food. It’s a
technique we use all the time to deconstruct various human endeavors into their
component elements, typically to create the latest and greatest strategic plan.
Mechanical gadgets are replaced by “instruments” and “planning techniques” sold
to us by consultants who guarantee us an optimal strategic plan as the output
instead of the perfect chopped salad. And they throw in the vinaigrette sauce
for free.
Take,
for example, the research enterprise at most American universities. Exactly
what is it that a newly minted vice president for research must do to propel
himself and his university research program to the cutting edge? Is there a
recipe for success?
Guess
what! First, you have to take the ingredients that you’ve been given, slice and
dice, and then reform them into the perfect salad, otherwise known as your
strategic plan. Looks count just as much as the taste.
And now
for the Ginzu knife! For free, I’m going to throw in my own version of a sliced
and diced research enterprise at a university. It’s missing the filler words
such as “increase, expand, accelerate, enhance, and promote” since those are
just spices chosen to suit one’s particular taste buds. It’s also missing all
those words from the planning lexicon such as strategic, tactical, vision,
mission, input, output, outcome, objective, goal and metric since, as Bob Dylan
sang in Subterranean Homesick Blues,
“Get jailed, jump bail, join the Army if you failed.”
Culture
·
Student
research programs – Honors College
·
Training
in grantsmanship, compliance, and …
·
Public
relations through reports, press releases, publications – online research
magazine
·
National,
regional, and campus honorary research awards starting with Nobel Prize
·
Advancement
of under-represented minorities
·
Non-tenured
research faculty track
·
Research
Centers of Excellence – Council of Center Directors
Development
·
Internal
faculty research grants
·
Data-mining
for targeted strategic focus and research areas
·
Funding
agency courtship
·
Travel
grants for faculty visits to federal agencies
·
Grant
writing service
·
Service
as referees, reviewers and panelists
·
Targeted
faculty hires with startup packages
·
Research
facilities and equipment
·
Non-research
sponsored programs – instructional grants
·
State
and Congressional actions – earmarks
·
Assessment
and ranking
Engagement for Service and Competition
·
Technology
commercialization through IP disclosure, technology transfer, and marketing
·
Startup
company and technology incubator
·
Venture
capital – SBIR/STTR program
·
Regional
innovation center
·
Research
park
·
Special
research facility service center
·
Student
and faculty entrepreneurship programs
·
Workforce
development
·
Economic
development
·
Public-Private
partnerships and alliances
·
Networking
for global competitiveness – National labs, industry, AUTM, LES, NCET2, UIDP
·
Research
foundation
Administration
·
Sponsored
programs and grants management
·
Compliance
·
Policy
and procedures
·
Web-enabled
IT Services
·
Research
foundation
·
Networking
– COGR, FDP, NCURA
So, do
you really want to be a research vice president responsible for all of this
activity? If so, turn to the cooking
channel
on your television set. You might actually learn something useful.
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